Birthday Plans

So, Hubby will be taking Wednesday off (8/1) for my birthday and has told me that we can go anywhere I want. I am torn between Wildwood and Cape May NJ. It is just so much fun to see Hubby pig out on "fair" food. He just can't control himself. If it is deep fired, it will end up in his mouth. He is such a little kid like that. He is also the best "crane game" player I have ever seen. Our kids will not be hurting for stuffed animals.

I won't be able to ride any of the rides but they do have a couple of water parks and great beaches. I also toyed with the idea of taking a whale watching / dolphin watching tour. It would be kind of a let down after our trip to Discovery Cove and actually getting to swim with dolphins.

The weather is supposed to be nice and since it is midweek, I hope not too crowded. I haven't been to a NJ beach since 1992 if you can believe it!!!

And the beat goes on

I've made it to five months. This is officially my longest pregnancy to date. The kids are doing well and growing like crazy. I could, however, do without the 3 am "Rumblefest". It is nuts!!! I end of rolling from my left to right side and neither one of them are happy about it. Yesterday, I was up at 3 am and decided to be nice to the hubby and let him sleep. He really appreciated it. I was totally wiped by the end of the day and nearly missed my favorite TV show "Rescue Me". I was never really a big Denis Leary fan before the show, but now I just love him.

Mom and Dad are off on vacation to Old Orchard Beach in Maine. We were hoping to join them but a 12 hour drive is not recommended or well tolerated. Maybe next year.

The reality that the kids will be here in four months is starting to set in. The other reality that I will be turning 33 years old is also setting in. We are trying to work out arrangements to get the crib from Mom and Dad but they are being transferred AGAIN this month and will now be nearly 7 hours away instead of just 5 hours. I am bummed about that. I really want our kids to know their Grandparents. Hubby's family is all out in North Dakota and his Dad is not doing well. We will try to get out there sometime in the spring or summer. No way am I dragging two infants to North Dakota in the dead of winter.....

So, the hum drum continues.

Pictures from Our Trip to Connecticut

Me and Mom and my Birthday Cake

The Family

19 weeks today!

I had my 2nd of 3 scheduled ultrasounds this week. It kind of sucks because I won't have another one until next month. It just seemed to be the way the schedule worked out.

I don't know what it is with ultrasound techs. They are either great or they completely suck. Yesterday, Tom, our tech at WWAV was OUTSTANDING!!! I couldn't ask for a better experience. Today, Penny, was just a bump on a log. I tried numerous times to engage her in even the most polite conversation and she was silent. I am not sure what her deal was but on the way home, I told hubby that when the kids were old enough, I was going back to school to become an ultrasound tech just so that no other woman would have to go through some of the experiences that I have had to. I mean, this is a happy time. At least try to act like you enjoy your job, I am mesmerized by the images on the screen and would love to do that for a living. Not Penny..... Maybe she ran out of coffee, maybe she is PMSing, maybe she is just a miserable person, I don't know.

Anyway, Melissa (Baby B) is weighing in at a whopping 11 oz (estimated, of course) and Daniel is catching up at 9 oz. I figured that since Melissa was kicking the crap out of her brother, she was had a pretty good leg workout this week and as we all know, muscle weighs more than fat. I think I am going to have a little girl very similar to her mom. I was, am and have always been the "athletic one" in my family. Hubby is of course, quieter than me, tall and lanky. This should be an interesting experience.

Hubby was nearly in tears yesterday upon finding out that we were having a boy. He is the oldest in his family and the last chance for the family name to be carried on in a direct blood line. He has several step brothers. He is already planning on building an obstacle course on the back yard. He just had this grin on his face last night like a kid at Christmas. I am just so happy that his dreams are coming true too. Don't get me wrong, he is excited about the babies in general, but since he has three grown daughters, he just never figured that he would ever have the chance to raise a son.

My Aunt is visiting my parents this week and she has already been shopping for lots of pink and blue and I am sure that my mother has. My Grandmother, who will be 93 tomorrow is busy knitting for the kids and is happy about the news and not having to do everything in green and yellow. I happen to like green and yellow but.......

I am feeling a bit tired and think that I will lay down for a few minutes before moving on to my chores for the day.

Ultrasounds from Yesterday

The Ketchup Song

So, yesterday, hubby calls me from work and has decided that the suspense is killing him. He wants to know the sexes of the babies. Keep in mind that he has 3 daughters from his first marriage (all grown and all on their own), and the idea of 5 daughters made him want to set himself on fire and run down the street. At least, that is what he was telling everyone.

We are going to Connecticut this weekend to help celebrate my Grandmother's 94th birthday. he thought that it would be nice if we had some updated Ultrasound images and hopefully found out the sexes. So, yesterday, I call WWAV (Womb With A View) and see if they have anything for this week. I know that 19 weeks is early for a 3D / 4D ultrasound, (the kids just don't have enough fat to make it look really nice) so we opted for the 2D with the gender determination. So, I set up the appointment for today. He called me this morning and wanted to know if I was singing the Ketchup Song. (Anticipation-Carly Simon used a few years ago in a commercial). I just laughed. I was counting the hours......

Hubby came home from work early to pick me up and we drove to WWAV. What a super nice place with really super nice staff. They display all of the images on a big TV so that the Daddies can see without kinking their necks.

Our normally crazy-active Baby B was being pretty quiet upon first glance. And modest. Nothing like Mommy!!! Baby A was locking his legs together and being shy as well. We probed and probed and finally they got used to the idea that we were on a mission and no matter what they did, we were going to find out. By the way.....both of them were chewing on the umbilical cords....I never knew that, but clear as day, they were chewing away.

Their heart rates were both in the 140's and their sacs are huge and "condo-like". They both decided to let their guard down and we were able to see "baby junk".

We are having one of each.

Baby A is a little boy

Baby B is a little girl.

Welcome Daniel Allen and Melissa Elaine!

Mommy and Daddy couldn't be happier!

Trip To Triage

Well, yesterday was a bit of an adventure. Monday afternoon, I started to have some pretty serious cramping and called the Dr. I was advised to push my fluid intake, take Tylenol for my slight fever and get on my left side. I can deal with a low tech approach and called hubby to let him know. He, of course, races home to care for me.


Tuesday, I get up. no fever, but cramping is still "significant". I call Dr. again. The nurse, who I really like, tells me that I may need to go on a "trip" but that she will talk to him and call me back.


Three and a half hours later, I receive the call. Yes, The Dr wants you to go to triage to be checked out. I was honestly expecting and office visit, not a trip to the hospital. Did I mention the 96 degree heat here yesterday......


So, hubby again, races home and loads me into the Jeep and away we go. We arrived at 1:30pm and were told to go to the 4th floor where they would be expecting me. Mind you, the last trip to this hospital was an 8+ hour ordeal ofter our first embryo retrieval I am asked to give a sample, which I was more than happy to do and then get into bed.


The nurse came in, did a brief history, and put me on a monitor. Hubby finally got to hear the heat beats of his little ones. His face lit up despite the uncertainty of what was going on. We were then seen by a P.A. who was super nice and understanding about the fact that these babies were the result of nearly 2 years of fertility treatments and did her best to calm our fears.


She decided to ultrasound my belly and much to our surprise, baby "B" was kicking the living sh*t out of baby "A". OH MY GOD!!!! Baby "A" is pointed down and "B" is pointed up and "B" was kicking "A" in the head and punching everything in sight. I guess this is normal but "A" did not seem to appreciate it very much. "B" is going to be just like Mommy!!! All of this activity is causing some spasm of the round ligaments and causing my cramping. Thank God it was not early contractions.


I asked the nice P.A. if she could tell the sexes of the babies. We are a pretty good idea what "B" is but "A" was sitting "Indian Style" and we couldn't get a clear view. They are huge, by the way. It never fails to amaze me how fast they are growing. We were out of traige within 2 hours and I am to push my fluids and rest. I can do that.


We came home and I went to bed (or at least laying on the bed). The mayhem continued in my belly until after 11 pm when I think "B" tired out.


Today, I am off to the genetic counselor (finally) and will post again with whatever info they can provide about our elevated risk from the quad screen.


Keeping all of our fingers crossed for the girls "in the dugout" this week....

Frustrating Week (Warning...R A N T)

So, let's just recap this week:

Found out that we are at an elevated risk on our quad screen (1:171). I wasn't expecting that and am still starting to deal with the possibilities of the big what if. Not that it matters...the genetic counseling that I should have had 5 weeks ago (that I am still waiting for), would not make a difference. We would not be able to terminate after 16 weeks (not that we would) even if it was some horrific genetic anomaly. Please see below....

(my rant......please excuse me, but I have to get this out or I am seriously going to lose it)

Had ultrasound yesterday. Appointment was for 1PM.

We arrived early, only to have to tolerate the world's fussiest two year old in the waiting room. Yes, that is adorable, let's let you son flick the lights on and off and laugh about it while the pregnant woman five feet from him contemplates his demise. Let me just say....my children WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT act like that in public. Mashing bananas into the seat cushions is not cute, nor endearing. Despite arriving earlier than the little monster's mommy, she was seen before me. Mind you, I am to have a full bladder for these "monthly growth scans".

Finally, we are taken back and it must have been my lucky day. I got a student. Yes, a student. Maybe 22 years old, at the most. How nice. Last time, I wasn't seen by the Doctor because he was "too busy" and the idiot at the front desk neglected to put genetic counseling on the schedule. This time, I get someone who is not even completed their training.

Example:

"these are the leg bones" she says

duh...can you say femur- I quietly think to myself

"these are the arm bones" she says

again, humerus, radius, ulna...we are going to measure their length-

I wonder what kind of anatomy they teach at her school. Sorry. I was a premed major and took years of anatomy and physiology and would expect that in a professional office, we would call things by their true names.

This place is a total joke. So after 50+ minutes, I finally have to empty my bladder. I come back in the room and there is another tech there. She takes over the ultrasound. I inquire again about determining the sexes..."well, it is too early" (Bullsh*t)...." and I don't like to make guesses". "We should be able to tell you when you come back next month". Oh heck no....we are not coming back. I am going to have the remainder of the scans done at another facility for fear that I will actually go off on these people.

Incidentally, I had to tell them that we had a positive quad screen and the student looked at me as if I had a third arm growing out of the middle of my forehead. "Duh, what's that"?

Ok....I have been through two years in infertility, prior to that I had an unexplained miscarriage in 1999, and I am carrying twins. Ummm hello anyone......

H I G H - R I S K

...please at least act like you have reviewed my chart.

So, needless to say, we are done there. We will take ou chances somewhere else. I am beyond frustrated. I don't wholly understand the whole quad screen thing and have tons of questions that no one seems willing or able to take the time to answer.

I am just trying to stay calm. Pray for my little miracles (each weighing 5-6 oz). I am carrying a can of soda and feel like I am carrying a gallon of milk.

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

But aren't my babies lovely?

16 weeks ultrasound images

Baby A

Baby B
Both Babies

Unexpected Report

Well, I just got off the phone with my ob's office. They were calling with my quad screen results from last week. I honestly hadn't thought much about the test until they called. Well, I am in an elevated risk category. Apparently, there is a 1 in 171 chance that one or both of our babies will have some kind of genetic issue (Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, Trisomy 21, etc). The nurse seemed to think that it had more to do with my age and ethnicity (ummmm....Lilly White and 32 years and 10 months) and that there is a 99.4% chance that everything will be fine. They are glad that we are schedule fro our ultrasound tomorrow. I know that this means that I may have to endure an amniocentesis and that is something I am not looking forward to.

Nevertheless, there is concern. I almost wish I did not opt to take the test. Ignorance is bliss.

Warning.......... Belly Shot

Okay.....




Keep in mind...it is TWINS.......






15 weeks and 3 days........






I am actually measuring at 20 weeks......






Holy Crap..............




I'm gonna need my own zip code........

15 Weeks and fluttering.

Saw Dr. H, my regular OB/GYN on Wednesday. I am measuring 20 weeks in size. Just think, that is half way for a singleton pregnancy. It was a quick scan and they look amazing (sorry, no pics this time). I am so used to doing trans vaginal ultrasounds, it is kind of nice to be on a table with my pants up and only have my belly showing. I have lost all modesty at this point. They were bouncing around and waving their arms (with really long fingers).

Last night laying in bed, I felt a little flutter near my belly button. I think it was in response to hubby putting his head on my belly to see what he could here. The only thing he said he could hear was a fart (bubbles from drinking water all day)... that got us both laughing. I think I woke the kids up and that was their protest. It was very cool. Also, I finally got to hear the heartbeats. I don't know how this got missed at our other appointments. They were both right around 145-150 beats per minute.

I also made all of my perinatal and genetic counseling appointments (at least the one's I can schedule) today. The receptionist / nurse laughed because we scheduled into November. She reminded me that with a twin pregnancy "You never know". At least, I am trying to plan ahead....

Hubby is taking next Friday off for my next fetal scan in Abington. I wasn't crazy about their office when I went the beginning of the month so I will be going to one of the "outer hospitals" for the remainder. It is a lot closer to home (20 minutes versus 45 without traffic) and you don't have to pay for parking. I hate parking garages. I guess it just reminds me of all of the time I spent flying around when I was training software and getting back into town trying to remember where I parked. I have lost hours of my life at LGA and Kennedy airports.

Also, I am getting winded doing the smallest things. I can make it down the stairs, but going up seems to leave me short of breath and my heart pounding. It is all normal. Wow....this is going to be a long few months.

Hubby is on his way home, should go put the doggies out to greet their daddy.....

So, our 14 week ultrasound is being rescheduled until next Wednesday. My mother called last night to let us know that my Uncle Bob had passed away. He was my Grandfather's youngest brother and was such a trip. When I was little, I can remember going over to his house and his entire basement was all Lionel trains. It was the coolest thing. He was the only person in the world who I knew personally that smoked. Amazingly, it was not lung cancer that killed him. He came to our wedding and seemed so frail to me. He took over during the reception, requesting our pianist to play songs he liked to sing too. It was a riot.

I will be driving up to Buffalo for the services on Friday instead of having my ultrasound. I spoke with my ob and got his approval. Hubby is worried, of course, about me driving 6 1/2 hours by myself. It's no big deal, I've got my ipod, my cell phone and a map...I'll be just fine.

I've also discovered that Burger King onion rings are the arch enemy of the pregnant woman. I thought I wanted them yesterday but by last night, I was sure that I had made a huge mistake. Thank God for TUMS..... Am feeling much better this morning.

So Friday morning, I will get up with hubby and head off to the wilds of Buffalo. Mom and dad and I will be staying at a motel up there in lieu of staying with my aunt (long story). It will be nice to see my home city again. We didn't go this year for our anniversary due to all of my morning sickness.

Hoping that the babies are doing fine. I hate waiting to see them. I don;t know how low risk women can go their entire pregnancies with only one or two ultrasounds. I have grown so used to seeing them every week or two. I ma sure they are going to be much bigger next Wednesday. Who knows, maybe we can even find out the sexes......that would be great!!!

13 weeks today

Things have been pretty quiet recently. Last Friday, I went for my NT scan and the kids were doing just fine. I didn't get to meet with a doctor which was disappointing to say the least. It was nice to see both of the kids moving around for such a long time. I have another ultrasound on the 15th and then again on the 29th. I guess I should get used to trips at least every 2 weeks. I was used to seeing the kids every week and honestly, it was hard to go 2 weeks, but I made it. They are just growing so fast.....

We spent the weekend in Connecticut with my parents and Aunt from Buffalo. Saturday morning we went fishing and then in the afternoon, drove to Boston to pick up Grandma at the airport. She was really happy to learn that we were having twins. She told us that we must be making up for lost time. She really has no concept of everything that we have been through in the last two years.

Yesterday was my official last day of work for the foreseeable future. Leaving was weird. It kind of felt like the last day of school. I know that it is the best thing for the pregnancy but I also know I am going to go stir crazy in the house. I am trying to set an agenda of little projects to do.

One of the girls that Hubby works with is also pregnant. They had a bit of a scare today and she is in the hospital with bleeding. Hubby will be working late the next few days to try to help pick up some of the slack. He was just so moved by the whole deal, he called me just to make sure that "we" were all right. He is so sweet.

I feel fat all the time now. I am most definitely into maternity clothing. There are times that I just cannot eat. I feel like if I eat anything else, I will explode. That is usually after a sandwich or small snack. I still have not gained any baby weight but do have the belly sticking out. I guess I'll have to post a belly picture.......

"Viable, Active Dichorionic Twins, Week 10

The kids are measuring 33 mm and have heart rates of 172 and 174. They were very active today..... They have grown like crazy since the last scan 6 days ago.

I still have the subchorionic hematoma and it has not reduced in size. I am however not on the antibiotics anymore since they are making me throw up. My cysts are almost gone and my ovaries are "almost" back to normal size. I guess that makes it a good week....

9 weeks and 2 days

We had our 9 week and 2 day scan this afternoon. The babies are measuring 22mm long. They are the same size. The heart rates are 168 and 182. The are a little concerned about baby b since the sack that he/she is in doesn't seem to be growing very fast. There may be a leak so they have put me on antibiotics for the next 10 days (as if I was not sick enough, I get to take the antibiotic 4 times a day).

I also have a hematoma (bruise) in my uterus. They are not sure why or how it happened, but they are watching it closely. I guess it is pretty normal in twin pregnancy and can be caused because everything is stretching and is very crowded right now.

So, we are happy because we got to see the little ones moving around. The one on the left is nuts. It was almost like he/she knew we were watching.... The one on the right was a little shy, but was moving his/her legs.

I can't help but be happy and terrified at the same time. Having had a miscarriage in the past, I appreciate and respect how frail these little lives are and just pray that the sack gets bigger and there is not a leak.

Milestone Day 8 Weeks

baby "a" is 17 mm long and has a heart rate of 166 beats per minute. (top picture)

baby "b" is 16 mm long and has a heart rate of 168 beats per minute. (bottom picture)

They are doing great and are growing perfectly!

"group photo"

Well, today is officially 8 weeks. We reached the end of the embryo stage and are now at the fetal stage. I went in for my ultrasound this morning and everything is looking great. I am still on all of my restrictions and have to continue with the progesterone but that is a small price to pay. They have grown so much since last week I can hardly believe it. When I saw the heartbeats last week, it seemed like their hearts took up a third of their bodies. This week, is was just a "normal" sized flutter that you would expect to see. It was sooooo cool.

My ovaries are still twice the size as normal and I still have lots and lots of cysts. My body is taking her sweet time resolving all that. My hormones are crazy and I'm sure my body is just taking care the the feti (the plural of fetus?) rather than shrinking everything back.

The nurse was nice enough to give me a prescription for some anti-nausea medication that seems to be working. At least that was covered by insurance......

We return in 10 days for another scan. I suppose I can at least make an appointment with my regular OB/GYN for the next few weeks. I asked the ultrasonographer about hearing the heartbeats and their machines are not equipped to do that. All the technology that they have in this office, and they didn't opt to get the machine with sound.... who knows....

7 weeks and 1 day

The nausea is all day. So much for morning sickness. The doctor thinks that it is worse because it is twins. I was really awesome to see the 2 little heart flutters. I almost cried. I go back in two weeks for another one, and Hubby will go with me. Hopefully we can hear the heartbeats then.

DID I MENTION THE EXHAUSTION!!!! I can hardly stay awake........

Belly is a little big. I feel fatter than I am. I still have quite a bit of fluid in my belly from the retrieval and my ovaries are still pretty large. It is so weird because the retrieval was more than a month ago. "Bert and Ernie" as my family calls them or "Patton and McArthur" as Hubby calls them, are just taking over everything. Hubby fell asleep with his hand on my tummy last night.

I did go out and buy some maternity clothes. My God! They are so COMFORTABLE. Everyone should wear them, all the time.

7 week update

The top photo is both.

The center and bottom are their individual portraits....

Monday, 4/23

Well, we went to CT this weekend to suprise my dather about the twins. We were able to let everyone else know but kept the secret from him. We had a Beatles themed birthday party for him since he was turning 64.

I am feeling very tired right now. I did manage a bowl of rice krispies and so far it is staying down. We finally had some nice weather around here. I was a nice ride home and today is supposed to be even warmner. Hubby is very excited that he gets to work on the yard.

I am still not sleeping very well. I am usually a stomach sleeper and that is not very comfortable for me between the painful boobs and my belly.

So it is off to work this morning.....

6 week update

It's TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beta's So Far.......

DPO Beta Doubling time
15 294 (none)
17 582 48.72 hrs
19 1377 38.63 hrs
22 4675 40.83 hrs

All Progesterone has been 160+

Estriadol
DPO Estriadol
15 840
17 1122
19 1401
22 1356 (not sure why that is down or if I should be concerned....)

Beta #4

Got the call this afternoon about my bloods from this morning...

HCG: 4675
Progesterone : 160+
Estriadol: 1356

New Numbers

So, at 16dp3dt, my hcg is up to 1377. My progesterone is greater than 160 and Estriadol is 1401. I got to meet with Dr. A and she is not overly concerned with the tugging. They did an ultrasound but it is really to early for them to see anything. I am to have my blood drawn every 3 days and will go back for another follow up with Dr. A next Wednesday. She wanted to see me next Monday, but she will be in surgery all day. next Tuesday, the couldn't see me until 2:30 in the afternoon. Since I am off on Wednesday, I will go at 10:oo and just take care of everything all at once. The office in PA is closed most of next week, so it would be back and forth to NJ. I have driven nearly 300 miles since Saturday morning just going to appointments.....

In other news, my dosage of progesterone has been reduced to 200 mg twice a day. I am praying that this will help the boobs feel better.

Still waking up in the middle of the night which makes for a very long day. I am going to sincerely enjoy this Wednesday and Thursday since I am off of work. I could use the time to relax.

Dr. A told me that she had a good feeling about this pregnancy but given my history, I am no to lift or carry anything over 15 lbs, and my pregnancy must be "protected". A lot of that is me just making the decision at work that I cannot do certain things anymore. It is so hard for me. I am so used to running around and going 90 miles an hour. It is going to be a real challenge for me to turn over things to my co-workers.

Seat Belt + Crash Helmet + Snoodle = sleep?

Mom and Dad headed home yesterday. It was nice to have my house back. I got to take a nap on my couch and that just made my day. Stayed up extra late (for me) to watch the Sopranos and was slightly disappointed.


Not too much happening other wise, except for the tugging thing is now on both sides of my lower abdomen. I am considering getting one of those body pillows that forces you to sleep on your side. I guess I have a tendency to flop around in my sleep, kick hubby out of bed etc....Perhaps a seat belt in bed may help. I will wear Velcro pj bottoms, stick myself to the body pillow and strap myself in. Do you think a crash helmet is too much??? I have been waking myself up at 2 and 3 am. Cannot get comfortable to save my life........

What to do, what to do?

Off to NJ for ultrasound. Had blood drawn again this morning.....I look like a JUNKIE.

14dp3dt

Beta had doubled in 48 hours up to 582.
Progesterone is greater than 16
Estriadol is 1,122.
have to go in for fetal ultrasound on Monday because no one can understand the weird pulling sensation that I am having in the lower left. Ia will meet with a doctor after the U/S.
Hopefuly, it's nothing.

More bloods Monday morning.

2dpBFP

We were delighted to learn on Thursday that we got our BFP.


My hcg beta was 294. To Me it seems high for only 12dp3dt. Progesterone was 160 and Estriadol was 840. We transferred 3 embryos on the 24 of March.


I am getting ready to head out for a follow up HCG and keeping my fingers crossed.My RE's office has had more that 30 women get pregnant this month already!


This has been such a long road for us. We did 11 IUI with another office and they just seemed clueless. We finally gave up and switched to Cooper. We did an IUI in November (due to finances) and an IVF in February where I only produced 2 follicles. The one egg they were able to retrieve did not fertilize. I was devastated. We almost gave up.


This last time, we had 22 follicles and 16 eggs retrieved. 11 fertilized and we transferred three on 3/24.I am not sure if my feet have actually hit the ground yet...I know that I am still cramping. I know that I am having a hard time sleeping.


I suppose that is all normal.Ladies, just don't give up. It can happen. If this was easy, you wouldn't appreciate it as much.

It's official

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!

BetaHcg was 294
Progesterone is 160
Estriadol is 840

Back on Saturday for more bloods.

ECSTATIC

BETA DAY

Well, I am off to get my bloods drawn. hoping for a BFP! Keeping every possible appendage crossed and praying very hard that we finally get our chance after the last two years of having our hearts broken every single month.

Will post results as soon as possible.

sigh.........

9dp3dt

No signs of the dreaded Aunt Flo.

hangin in there. Some mild cramping and killer boobs ongoing.......

48 hours until beta....

praying, hoping, dreaming, sprinkling baby dust like Tinkerbell on crack.

praying for all of my friends who are in this boat with me.

7dp3dt......

Well, So far so good. Apart from going to bed really early and waking back up between 4 and 5 am, I am hanging in there.

The cramping seems to have subsided some.

I am on day 24 overall and 7dp3dt.

Boobs are still killing me and my RE's office has increased my progesterone to 400 mg in the AM and 400 mg in the PM. (this is NOT helping the boobs, thatyouverymuch).Discovered the tanktop with built in bra is quite comfortable, more so that traditional over the shoulder boulder holder.

Trying to remain calm at work (but all the barking, meowing, and general mayhem makes it a challenge).

Lovely and supportive parents will arrive on Wednesday for Easter holiday, Thursday is BETA. Explained to mother on the phone last night that if negative beta, I would be going out and getting extremely drunk, regardless of their presence. (Mom and Dad are ministers....and you know what they say about those preacher's kids).

Wanted to thank everyone for their support thus far. I am a bit of a control freak and pretty high strung. If nothing else, my IF experience has given me a new appreciation for dealing with myself when I am not in control.

Still in complete awe that we have made it this far. Last month, AF showed up on CD23. I feel like I am over the hump (so to speak) and am feeling very positive right now.

Praying for all of my friends, wherever they are, that God gives them peace and wisdom and comfort as he has given me. I truly have some amazing people in my life and I don't know what I would do without them.

My blood work was okay. Progesterone was 38 and I guess they were looking for it to be at least 30. The nurse said something out my lining not being fully converted. They are increasing my progesterone to 400 mg twice a day. Of course, tehy left a message on my cell phone and the office was closed by the time I got the message, so I'll try to get in tough with them today to find out what the heck is going on.

I am just a little fresked out becuase my last cycle was only 23 days and today is the dreaded day 23. The cycle always seems to be shorter after a stim cycle. Cramping doesn't seem as bad today.

Thank you all for your words of enouragement....hubby is trying to help but really doesn't understand much about all of this. So, 6 days until beta.

Growing Concern

Not sure if it is just in my head or what. I am feeling tired and crampy and by boobs are still killing me. It seems alot like AF is on her way. I am really scared that our 3 little embryos are not going to make it. I broke down and POAS it is was BFN. I just don't know what to do. Feeling very down right now. It has just been such a long road, I thought that this would be it.... I mean, we had eggs, they fertilized, they thrived, they looked great. The get transferred back into me and boom.....I go in a week for my actual beta, I just have this feeling that the trip will be unnecessary. any thoughts?

transfer day photo

4dp3dt

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm sure it had something to do with hubby snoring and having the bedroom window open. you see, we live on a main street and this time of year, not warm enough to put the air conditioner in the window, but too warm to leave window closed, is my least favorite time of year. To boot, I think my allergies are kicking in.

Lovely!

Got up and made some awful decaf hazelnut coffee, did my progesterone and am now getting ready for another day of work (trying not to get bit, scratched etc) by the lovely animals that I help to care for.

Dad and Grandma got stranded in Newark last night. Dad is supposed to be flying Grandma back out to the west coast. There was bad weather in CT and they missed their connecting flight in Newark and got to spend the night there. Oh, how I do not miss my traveling days. (used to train Medical Practice Management Software....NATIONWIDE) So, Dad will fly her out and turn around and fly back home. He forgets that he will be 64 not 46 this year.

Ta-Ta's are still killing me. Couldn't even manage a bra yesterday, instead opted for tank top with built in bra. Seemed to do the trick. Note to self: must buy more of these amazing things.

Thank you all for you comments. What a terrific surprise to come home after work so see that I am not alone in this. It is a great source of inspiration.

oh.... also, I have reconnected with a bunch of friends from high school. One of which was nice enough to dig up our pre-prom picture. I cannot explain what I was thinking with my hair but I am the one on the far right......

3 ALIEN PANCAKES, EXTRA SYRUP

OKAY:

We transferred 3 lovely embryos (aptly names Larry. Curley & Moe) on Saturday. 2 of them were 5 celled and one was a 7 celled. Everything was very uneventful except for the part where I swore I was going to fall off the table as they inverted me for my 30 minute wait. It was kind of funny.

We headed over to the NJ office of Super RE a little early. Hubby was glad to be able to sleep in. I got up, puttered, showered, primped and went down stairs. We ended up watching a biography on Ozzy Osbourne of all people and were laughing because neither of us could understand a stinkin' word he was saying.

We got in the car and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. While waiting to be seated, I get a call from RE's office. Can we come in an hour early? Well, we live 90 minutes away and we are waiting to be seated for breakfast. We got there 30 minutes before our scheduled time. They took us right back, gave me my Valium (sure, that will be effective in 10 minutes.....NOT) and prepped me. Hubby looked so cute in his tyvek and mask. The whole thing was over before I knew it.

On the way out of the office, I ran in to "M" and her hubby. "M" and I are on the same cycle and have been through my of the same experiences and getting to see her made my day. If it happens for both of us, out kids will be EXACTLY the same age and she had her retrieval right before me on Wednesday.

Thinking sticky thoughts 2dp3dt. (two days past 3 day transfer). Another thought which I am not happy about snuck into my head....

I woke this morning and realized that I am going to have to let go of the huge amount of
Anger that I have been harboring over that whole ordeal with the previous Doctor’s office.


They would bring me in to do the HCG trigger shot and then 24 hours later, send in a 20something year old nurse in to do the IUI. They never once checked via ultrasound to see if I had actually ovulated. When I questioned them, they said that "there was no way to really tell" if I had ovulated, which I know now is BS. I am so hopeful that this is not going to be that kind of experience


I would love to walk in with a big fat belly and just slap them ( Especially Dr. UsedCarSalesMan). I feel like they were holding us prisoner emotionally every month. They were pushing us towards their IVF program ($20K) and that was out of our price range. They almost had me convinced that there was something wring with me, but every single lab test and diagnostic procedure was normal. Thank God we found SuperRE’s office and Dr. A is just the best.


Hubby reminds me that there is a difference in quality between Wal-Mart and Macy’s. (Isn’t that sweet, he put it into shopping terms for me…something I can relate to…..awwwww, I love my hubby)



I am finally up out of bed for the first time since Saturday and my back and ta-ta's are killing me. I am guessing the ta-ta's are related to the progesterone, the back is related to the mattress.

I must go put the doggies out and make myself some decaf (argggggggghhhhhh) coffee.

THINKING STICKY THOUGHTS

Going for embryo transfer this morning. Not really worried about it as much as I am about laying in bed for 2 days. (no laptop, sucks!)

Hubby is taking me out for breakfast and is looking forward to donning his tyvek. He wears it everyday, but this time, he will wear it because he want to, not because something nasty that can melt is face off is being poured in front of him. (HAZMAT MAN).

fingers, toes, and legs crossed..........

Embryology Update day #2, 1 day before transfer

Spoke to our lovely embryologist just a few minutes ago. I am starting to love phone calls from super RE's office.

They froze 5 of our 11 embryos.

Of the 6 they have left out we have the following:
2 that have divided into a 2 celled
1 that has divided into a 3 celled
and
3 that have divided into a 4 celled
(see picture above)

We will have our transfer at 12:30 pm tomorrow.

I apologized to the embryologist for the scream yesterday and she totally understood. I remembered to ask her what the deal was with the ones that did not make it. She explained that:
1 of them only had one nucleus
1 of them had 3 nucleus

these were considered abnormal and therefore discarded.

2 of them were atritic (which means they died)
1 of them never matured.

It is some kind of closure anyway.

We are overjoyed and praying that everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

So here we go..........

11 FERLTILZED EGGS

The embryologist just called!

WE HAVE 11 FERTILIZED EGGS!!!!!!!!!

They will freeze 5 of them today.

We will wait on the 6 best and tomorrow they will call and update us on how they are doing.

On Saturday, we will implat the 3 best.

ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!

This is really happening.

I hope I didn't rupture the embryologist ear drums when I screamed.

16 eggs retrieved

Out of my 22 follicles, we had 16 eggs rertived.

Doing well.

Egg Retrieval, Take 2

Well, after changing protocols from Bravelle to Gonal-F, we have 18 follicles and did our HCG trigger at 11:45 last night.

We are scheduled to have the egg retrieval done tomorrow morning. Considering last try, we only had 2 mature follicles and 2 immature follicles, 18 is a giant jump. I am trying to think positively about this but not get my hopes up too much because anything can happen.

The nurse who called from the Super RE's office last night asked something that really stuck in my mind:

If you spontaneously ovulate, will you be willing to do an IUI?

hmmm....with 18 follicles, even if they not all winners, in my tubes and introduce a gazillion sperm...hmmm, what would I do with 8+ embryos. Well, that is the kicker....would I be willing to do selective embryo reduction, knowing that doing so could jeopardize the remaining embryos? I don't think so.

If I were to "spontaneously" ovulate, that tells me that my super RE is not managing my care very well. We have done EVERYTHING according to what they have instructed. How could that happen?

And I wonder why no one asked us that LAST MONTH, when we did our first IVF? The nurse could not answer that.

Anyway, doing my best to remain calm. Hubby is taking tomorrow off (you should think so) and I will do my best to go back to work on Friday. Saturday, barring any unexpected duds, we should be implanting embryos.

And the wait begins.......

And we're back.....

Aunt Flo decided to show up a little bit early this month. I am sure it is because it was a stimulated cycle last month. I explains to migraine yesterday.

Oh, I got bit by a dog at work so now get to take giant hosepill antibiotics for the next 10 days. That should be fun for my intestines.

Have to make some calls today to set up payments, etc...

We want to try again and would like to follow the recommendation of the embryologist and do ICSI this time.

Not the best way to end

Well, we ended up without a fertilized egg. I feel devastated. I really didn't move around too much on Saturday, except for the crying and staring off into space. Sunday morning at 3 am, I developed the worst abdominal cramps I have ever had. I went downstairs and tried to sleep but to no avail. It was like getting hit in the gut with a baseball bat. I put up with it, tried to drink fluids and eat small meals, but everything hurt. I went to bed around 7 and was able to get to sleep, only to have hubby roll into me in bed and that brought me to tears. He didn't hit my back too hard, but everything from my ribs to my hips hurt.

When I got up on Monday, I called the Super RE's office. They wanted me to be seen to rule out overstimulation. I thought that it was strange because I only had 4 follicles but they are the experts. My symptoms did look like it was OHSS.

So hubby and I drive to NJ to be seen. Every bump on the road was torture. We finally arrive at the office and spend the next 3 1/2 hours being evaluated only to be told that we need to go the ER to rule out a bowel perforation or obstruction. I am not a doctor, but have seen enough obstructions in animals to know that I was NOT obstructed. Dr. A called the ER at Cooper University Hospital to let them know I was on my way. She told me that I don't have s surgical belly right now, but it warranted further investigation. So, I explain this to hubby. He is not driving into Camden at night. No question in his mind. It was just not going to happen.

I tried to explain this fact to Dr. A, but I don't think she understood. We live in PA, an hour and a half from the office. The only reason we cross the river is to come to their office. I am good at navigating roads and maps, but when one cannot sit up, one cannot try to explain to hubby (from Northern Midwest State and years of military stubbornness) how to get to point B. I told Dr. A that we would go to our hospital in PA. She replied with her displeasure, since sh did not have privileges at that hospital and she would not be able to visit me. Well, I was not planning on being admitted. I am not, nor have I ever been, a "good" patient. I simply know too much about what is happening vs. what is supposed to happen.

So, we arrive at out hospital at 7:30 pm. I am immediately rushed to the back.. I felt bad for hubby since he only got 4 pages into the Reader's Digest from September 2004 that was in the waiting room. He seemed disappointed.

I was but into sub-acute room 511 (my new name). I love the HIPPA regulations. I have always hated the objectification of the illness over the patient, but have now been reduced to a room number. And the medical profession wonders how mistakes happen.

Everyone was nice to me and seemed to really be on the ball. That all stopped shortly after the shift change. I had blood work, urinalysis, blood pressure tilt test, ultrasounds, x-rays, and a cat scan. I also had dilaudid. That was the highlight of the visit. I couldn't look out in the hall because the ceiling tiles kept on moving, but it did take the edge off the severe cramping.

Everything seemed normal when the finally let me go home at 5:30 am. I do have some ovarian cysts, but they think that the cramping is due to a viral infection. Several female patients all presented at the same time with the same symptoms, the only difference is that the others were all pregnant. they all had been seen in the past few days at the ob/gyn office. So, I go home and pass out, with no answers and minimal relief. They offered to admit me, but at that point, I just wanted my bed and the IV out of my arm. I have to go back the Super RE's office tomorrow for a follow up and to find out when I am allowed to return to work.

No appetite, still swollen belly, sick of anti-biotics, ready to curl up and sleep for a month. The whole time we were in the ER, all I could think is that we were supposed to have the embryo retrieval and be on our way to babyville.

sigh.

Eggs to Egg

When all was said and done, they were able to retrieve one egg. Not sure what happened. Heck, I could have just produced and egg on my own and saved $1000 on meds this month.

The embryologist will call in the morning.

Kind of feel like we don't have a back up plan if the worst happens.

Here goes something ?

Well, they just called with final blood values from this morning.

Did I mention how sore my arms are?

Did I mention how sore my tummy is from all the needles?

Estriadol is 602

Progesterone is 1.1

LH is 3

FSH is 10

the HCG beta was 97.

All the numbers look good and we are confirmed for tomorrow at 8:30 AM for egg retrieval. Thank God I will be asleep for the procedure because I'm not sure that I would have the nerve to do this with out some kind of pharmaceutical assistance.

Not sure if I will be up to posting tomorrow, but we'll see.

Day #9

Okay...

Bloods:

Estriadol 242 ( a little lower than yesterday)

Progesterone 1.2

LH 2

FSH 7

Ultrasound:

2 Mature follicles : a 21(L) and 24 (R)

Also, 2 smaller on the left (12 and 10) but they should continue to grow even though we are triggering ovulation tonight with HCG.

We have to do the injection at 11:45 tonight. I hope I can stay awake that late. I still do my 3 bravelle tonight.

I have to have more blood drawn in the morning and we are scheduled for Friday morning at 8:30 am for the egg retrieval. I'm supposed to drink alot of water tomorrow, which is not a big deal. I am a big water drinker anyway. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight (normal) and we are to bring $500 cash or money order for the anesthesia (not covered by insurance).

Getting excited. Hoping for 4 good eggs!!!!

Day 8

Well, a pretty routine trip for blood work and ultrasound this morning. Some mean phlebotomist, didn't say a word to me. Had the nice ultrasonographer.

The right side is up to a 20 and one the left, we have

2 17's, 1 16, 1 13 and 2 12's!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!

Yes, that is 6. Now, we just need the 12's and 13's to get a little bit bigger to be viable.

She said something about Thursday for retrieval but we have to wait and see what the blood work shows. I continue with the 3 vials of Bravelle and 1 vial of Centrotide.

On Centrotide....HOLY CRAP, that stuff stings like crazy. I had a huge welt on my tummy and literally couldn't button my pants for about an hour. I injected just below the navel and WOW..... I consider myself to be pretty tough when it comes to taking the shots, but that one nearly floored me.

I picked up the Rx for Medrol (which the nurses did not specify as to be filled generically, duh!!!) and a generic z-pack (antibiotic) for the retrieval. Not sure when I am supposed to start them but I am sure someone will let me know.

So, I wait for blood work results and instructions.... happy Mardi Gras!!!

Post script: 6:05 PM

Blood work results:

Estriadol: 261

Progesterone: .7

LH : 2

FSH: 7

More blood work and another ultrasound tomorrow, but in New Jersey as Melrose has no appointments available. I am to continue with the Bravelle (just stabbed) and the Centrotide (the Stinger).

They will probably have me do the HCG tomorrow night and then retrieval on Friday. I am sure that they won't take the smaller, underdeveloped ones, so we may get 3 out of this. Hubby and I have decided to try to implant 2. I was really hoping to have more to freeze (just in case).

It is was it is, I guess.

Report from Day #7

Estriadol was 169
Progesterone 0.7
FSH 7
LH 3

right size had an 18, left side, were not sure of because "someone" forgot to fax over the ultrasound to the other office........

RRRRRIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTT!

Saturday's Phlebotomist....

Throw me a frigging bone.......



Dateline: Melrose Park, Ultrasonographer stabbed with probe for being rude....film at 11.



Okay, so I don't know what the deal is with Super RE's Melrose office. I didn't realize that there was going to be a quiz given by the ultrasound tech regarding how much Bravelle, what cycle day I started it, Ummmm, those things are usually found in the

C H A R T!!!

I am sitting on the table, naked from the waist down, and she is quizzing me. Read the frigging' chart......



Oh wait, it's in NJ. How we can possibly provide quality patient care when we don't even have the chart in the STATE..



Oh, I have an 18 on the right and "a couple of small ones" one the left. Ummmmm, well, there were three on the left on Saturday and now it's a "couple of small ones". Did she once think that they might have an inferiority complex? What did they do, melt? To me, a couple is 2, a few is 3+. Am I wrong on this one?



So, then I get bloods drawn. Mind you, I am still bruised from Saturday with the Russian stabber (looks like a crack Ho barbie but with blond hair). We have to fill out these stupid forms, so I take a couple extra (so I can fill them out in advance since I don't actually have my insurance card memorized) and put them in my purse. Well, Little Miss Sunshine, the phlebotomist makes a big deal about how "people aren't supposed to take them home". Ok....why?

Wait for it....


THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE!!!

Hello??????????



Bravelle is $78 per VIAL, lady!!!!!!



I'll make a deal, I'll buy the forms, if you buy my meds.
I am paying out of pocket for this cycle and how dare I try to be organized.

Please do keep in mind that the office is located in a HUGE mansion with 26 bedrooms and every piece of tacky, huge furniture this side of the Mississippi.

Feeling very frustrated at the moment....

Will post again when the lovely nursed call me this afternoon.

Day # 6

Well, the trip over to NJ was uneventful. I only had to wait about 5 minutes to have my blood drawn. I took my seat in the very busy waiting room after signing in for my ultrasound.

I have one decent sized follicle on the right, which is a 14 (not sure what the actual unit of measure is) and a bunch of smaller ones. One the left, i have a 12 and two 10's, and again a bunch of smaller ones. I feel pretty encouraged. I come home and putter around the house for a while.

I get the call from the nursed to review my blood work. I am told that my blood work doesn't match my follicle sizes and I am to increase the Bravelle to 3 units on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Also, I am to start Centrotide (to inhibit ovulation) on Monday and have more bloods and another ultrasound done Monday morning.

So, 3 cc's of Bravelle kind of hurt last night. I am using a 30 gauge needle, which is much better than using a 22 like the other doctor had me doing. No bruising as of yet, but I am sure it will show up, it always does.

I am trying to remain calm for all of this. During a normal cycle, I ovulate on days 14-18. This is only day 6 and everything seems to be happening fast. I know that it is a side effect of stimulation.

So, another day until I get to see what is happening in Ovaryland.

Blood work results from 2/17 are as follows:
Estraidol: 88
Progesterone: 0.6
LH : 2
FSH: 5

Day # 3

Well, Carol from Super RE's office just called with my blood work and ultrasound results.

Estriadol was 58 pg/ml:
Levels on the lower end tend to be better from stimulating
Normal range: 25-75 pg/ml

Progesterone is .8
Normal is <1.5ng/ml

Lutenizing Hormone (LH) is 3mIU/ml
Normal is <7mIU/ml

Follicle Stimulating Cycle (FSH) was 3 mIU/ml
is 3 mIU/ml is normal and Often the gauge for ovarian reserve, in general under 6 is excellent

In addition, I have 12 antral follicles (sleeping follicles).

So, I will be starting my Bravelle this evening. I mix 2 powders with 1 cc of water and inject into my upper leg or my abdomen. I will do this tonight, tomorrow and on Saturday.

I have to get more bloods on Saturday (has to be drawn before 8:45 Saturday morning) in New Jersey. Then, lucky me, I get to sit around and wait until 11:30 for my ultrasound.

Normally, they don't have minimal stimulation cycles start injectables until day 5 of the cycle, but since my bloods look good and I have 12 antral, they are going to start a little early. The sooner the better.

Also, I don't think that it is fair for women to being their babies in to a RE office and flaunt them in front of a bunch of women who are trying like crazy to even become pregnant. Couldn't they hire a babysitter or something?

Cold and Icy

Well, our much anticipated and hyped Winter Storm is winding down. It was quite the adventure getting home from work last night. There is a solid sheet of ice on parked cars and it has been snowing / sleeting/ freezing rain since lunch time yesterday. The doggies can't remember where the grass is and have decided to start doing their business as soon as they get outside.

Working on cleaning up the guest room / future nursery for when Mom comes down to stay after the embryo transplant. I'm doing laundry & look like hell. I don't think that we will be travelling far from home this evening for our Valentine's Dinner. I guess a quiet picnic in the living room would be nice too.

I am not sleeping well. The last 2 weeks or so have been pretty stressful at work and with the baby stuff, my mind is constantly racing. I've downloaded some relaxation music on to the old ipod to listen too as I am attempting to fall asleep. The ear buds really hurt when you sleep on your side.

Called Super RE's billing office and paid for everything but the anesthesia for the egg retrieval. I will go in for blood and ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully they road crews will have everything cleared and traffic won't be too bad in the morning. I really don't feel much like going off into a ditch because someone didn't bother to clean off the top of their minivan.

Dad is on his way to Pittsburgh in the midst off all of this weather for some reason....no thanks, not this little grey duck!!! I'll stay in my nice cozy house, with my nice cozy dogs, doing my nice cozy laundry waiting for my nice cozy hubby to get home from work.

A New Start

We have changed RE's and are now being seen by SuperRE in New Jersey. Dr. A was actually on the Discovery Health Channel being interviewed about an infertility case. I am not sure that I would ever do that, air my reproductive laundry, but to each her own.

Today is CD # 1. Some cramping, but that is not unusual for me. We have several corporate VP's visiting today, added stress I do not need. Didn't sleep well last night and was up before the hubby this morning.

Have to call super RE's office to schedule bloodwork and ultrasound and to finalize the billing arrangements.

Sent out the first of hopefully several emails to the females in my life. Found this to be a lot let confusing that trying to explain what is happening to the males in my life.

Today is the last day of work for me until this whole deal is complete. That is going to be very weird. SDM said it best, "K doesn't know HOW to stop".

AWOL

Again, our baby is AWOL. Was very hopeful this month but once again. . .
We are off for our first visit to the new doctor on friday and will head up to CT to visit with mom and dad for the weekend.

Post-Labor Day let down

Well, after spending several relaxing and fishing filled days at Camp Connri, we returned home and discovered that again, we are not pregnant. Went in this morning and the nurses were kind enough to supply me with a gonal F pen for my stimulation this month. I figure that we have nothing to lose. Out appointment at the new RE's is not until October 6th. Why waste a month?

and for our final performance

Had another ultrasound and bloods again. This time, they were nice enought to acutally let me see Dr. S. Have one pretty follicle on the left and they triggered me to try again in the morning.

Feeling really down in the dumps.

8 is not a lucky number

so, no go for 8. Are going to give one last shot with this doctor's office and try with someone else. Have to wait until October for appointment but, hell...we are more than a year into this.
Will try our next cycle without any stimulation. Not once, did this office allow my body the opportunity to do it on it's own.

Cannot describe our disappointment this month.

Now at bat....try # 8

Well, we went in this morning for our eigth try at IUI. Took last month off due to a nectarine sized cyst on my left ovary. Started stims last Saturday and the RE office finally did not try to tigger me onthe 10th day. We waited until day 13. Yesterday, the ultrasound revealed that I had 4 really nice follicles and they triggered me yesterday. we went i nthis morning and after the 45 minute waitin the waiting room, the whole deal was done inside of 15 minutes. I am to start progesterone again on the 27th and then 8/8 for blood test to see if we are or not.

This may be our last shot as CC has decided for wahatever reason that she will not help us out financially. She is sending 1/6th of what we actually need but that doesn't realy help much. i don't know what her issue with me is. I feel like I am somethig she would like to scrape off the bottom of her shoe.

Found out that there is an egg donation program within a hour of here. If I donated my eggs, the recipient will pay for all IVF and meds. We split whatever the number of eggs there are and I am only responsible for about 1K. There is also the possibility that we can ICSI. That would be a dream come true.

So once again, we wiat the two excruciating weeks to find out. It feels like the quest for baby is driving every aspect of my life.

speechless

came home from work sick yesterday. felth like death warmed over. once again, nature has left it's cruel mark and we are not pregnant. just got off the phone with the RE. we are going to try a round of clomid this month to rey to save some money. the bravelle is so damn expensive and if we are forced to go the IVF route, we are going to need every dime. so, bloods and another ultrasound in the morning. little vampires. it is a wonder that I am not anemic.

i just feel broken right now. i have undergone every diagnostic procedure and they tell me that everything is fine and yet, here we are 9 months later when i thought that i would be having a baby and we are still stuck in the stirrups. everyone around me (directly or indirectly) are managing to get pregnant and i am getting really afraid that this is really never going to happen for us. maybe i am in that percentage that medical science and technology just can't help.

then what?

Hubby is trying to be supportive but things at work couldn't be worse for him right now.

managed to get out and get some grocery shopping done, what a feeling of accomplishment.

Bad Day Thursday

What a crappy day. DMC was having some issues and called out. Just feeling generally stressed tight now. Hubby was sick yesterday too. So we are 1 week into try #7. Not even sure what to think. It all seems like kind of a haze. I am taking to progesterone like they have instructed but it doesn't seem to do much. I am tired but I have also worked 30 hours in 3 days.

I guess we will wait and see.

Strike 6 for baby

So, we are in Niagara Falls for our 1st anniversary and discover that we will be trying AGAIN! Strike 6! I knew that I wasn't but some little part of your soul holds on when you hit the normal 25 days and your aunt Flow hasn't arrived.

tried to have a nice time despite the cramps.

So Far...So Good

Went in yesterday morning and got my ultrasound and HCG injection. Looks like 3 of the 14 eggs made it. I am sure that I ovulated which allowed me to sleep better last night. Went in this morning and it was a breeze. No cramping, no problems. The office is able to estimate the total number of swimmers (~70 million, with 85% motility). So, here is hoping the 3 smartest ones find their way to where they are supposed to go!

Beautiful day here. Nearly 80 degrees. I am so glad that I changed my day off to today.

6th try for baby

well, ultrasound and bloodwork done yesterday. I have 7 potential eggs on each size!
HOLY CRAP! 14! Last month it was 9.....

Gotta love that Bravelle!

no no no no no

did home test......
NEGATIVE.

Very sad right now.

Dad's birthday today....what a gift that would have been.

The Big Dig

So, hopefully i popped out 3 eggs this month. I had two on the left and once on the right ready to go with the HCG injection. Went in this am for the actual insemination. A little crampy but was able to get to work by 9:30 am.

Beautful weather and I am feeling very calm at the moment.

Off to Mom and Dad's this weekend for Easter. Looking forward to seeing the family and the "Dot" head.

Eggs R Us

Well, I have 5 ready to go on the left side ranging from 7-13 and 4 on the right, with a couple being 13.

I have to do 2 units of Bravelle tonight and tomorrow and then back to the Dr on Saturday AM for another US and FSH level.

We are set up for Monday at 7:30 for the "big dig"!

GO SWIMMERS GO!

(fingers, legs and ankles crossed at this point)

Bravelle, Bravelle, Bravelle

Did my 2nd night of 2 units of Bravelle. Have to go back in on thurs for another ultrasound and FSH level. Lovely thunderstorms to fall aspleep to last night. I am sure Sasha just loved the fact that Mommy and Daddy were nestled safely in their beds upstairs and left the little princess down in her crate to ride out the storm.

Had a great time at the Firshouse with Bones, Deb, Dean and Becky making up really bad names (Amanda Lay, Phil McCracken, etc).

Hubby is already up and at work. I don't have to be in early this morning but my body told me it was time to get up, so here I sit.

No go Again

Went in on thursday for a pregnancy check. Woke up Friday and didn't need the results. Went in this morning for another FSH / Ultrasound and I start my second cycle of Bravelle tomorrow night. They are increasing me to 2 units per day over the next 4 days. back next Thursday for more bloods and another Ultrasound. I feel like I am stuck in loop and slowly becoming a human pin cushion.

Cramping like crazy and going to bed.

Baby Watch # 4

Went in yesterday morning and tried again. Was expecting a lot of cramping and had NONE!
Hubby took the day off of work and rested most of the day. I went grocery shopping and ended up saving $80 dollars between special and coupons. Kind of happy about that considering the $800 for Bravelle that we spent this month.

Trying not to get my hopes up to much because I am getting tired of being diappointed. Mom keeps on telling me to try to kepp calm. Not always such an easy thing for me to do.

St. Patricks's Day today so I must get out my orange to wear. May stop by NWP for the party just to see if Hubby wins the raffle.

Post Surgery Day # 3

Well, the diagnostic laproscopy went well according to Dr. S. The cyst that everyone was so concerned about was reabsorbed. Everything looks wonderful from the inside. I woke up, however, screaming and writhing in pain. After the morphein and dilaudid, they send me home. I left like something was stabbing me in the lower gut. To top that pain off, all of the excess gas that they couldn't remove, has ended up in my shoulders and neck. I have been in more pain the last few days that I can ever remember being in.

They took some nice pictures and on Wednesday, I will actually be told what I am looking at. Mom came down to help out for a few days and for that I am extremely greatful. Not that hubby isn't great at taking care of me, but the whole sergeant shouting orders at me thing just isn't very therapeutic all the time.

So I recover....

Strike 3

Took a test this morning and it was negative again. Really sad about this time. Hoping for October baby.
:-(
Wondering if GIFT is an option. Expensive. Don't really like the idea of laproscopy but...